5 Most Annoying Responses to People Learning I'm a Writer

As a bartender, I end up stuck in a lot of small talk. Inevitably, since I live in a college town, customers will ask if I'm still in school and I'll tell them no, I've already graduated. They'll ask what I got my degree in and I'll tell them I got my Masters in creative writing. Could I just say English? Sure, but then I get the inevitable "Do you want to teach?" question.

Yeah, teaching isn't for me.

Instead, I honestly tell people my degree and I usually get one of five responses:

The 5 Most Annoying Responses to People Learning I'm a Writer

1. "You should write a book about me! My life is so crazy!"

When people tell me this, I'm reminded of how people think their dreams are interesting to people other than themselves and their therapists who are charging them an astronomical amount of money for every hour they prattle on about themselves. Oh, your dog turned into your mom and then you both square danced in a river of gravy while wearing dresses made out of toothpicks? How unusual and fascinating!

I feel like this is also applicable to people's lives. All of us experience our own dramas which, to us, are interesting because they involve and/or are centered around us. However, this doesn't mean that your life is necessarily interesting and book-worthy to the rest of the world. It's possible that you have, in fact, had an interesting and book-worthy life but the phrase I mentioned is mostly said by people in their early twenties whose greatest accomplishment is successfully completing multiple keg stands at a frat party.

Chapter 4: Making My Parents Proud

2. "I'm a writer, too! Well, I haven't really written anything yet but I have the BEST idea for a book!"

"It's like this, only with gravy and all the clothes are made out of toothpicks."

Neat. Shut up and write it already. Also, if you don't write then you're not a writer. That's like being a painter who doesn't paint or a runner that doesn't run but instead puts one of those "26.2" stickers on their car for when they complete a marathon "someday."

3. "You know, that's a really hard industry to get into. Have you thought this through?"

Yes, asshole, I have. I'm aware of how difficult it is but this is something I'm passionate about. As such, I've done my research and sometimes it gets very disheartening. Everyone, myself included, likes to fancy themselves to be the Next Great American Writer. It also gets very depressing because in order to get published, you often have to hear a lot of no's. Rejection letters pile up, you're told again and again that your work isn't what they're looking for, and the Scotch bottle slowly runs out.

"You like my writing, right? You think I'm talented, don't you?"

However, all those no's make the eventual yes that much more exciting. Of course, you could argue that chasing the yes is kind of like chasing the high from your first hit of heroin. 

The dragon is a three book deal from Random House.

4. "How long are you going to give yourself before you get realistic and try something else?"

Until I die, dude. Until I die. I can't imagine doing anything else and writing makes me happy, despite the slightly depressing realities of attempting to make it a financially viable career. I've often heard that you should pursue a career doing whatever you would gladly do for free and for me, that's writing. Even if my family and the friends I browbeat into reading my work are the only ones who read it, creating it gives me a sense of satisfaction that I simply haven't found while doing anything else. 

5. "If it doesn't work out, you could always teach!"

See above. Teaching is not for me. I have a lot of respect for teachers but I frankly don't have the patience for it. Those that do are to be lauded and, in my opinion, paid a hell of a lot more than they are, but alas, I am not one of them.

So if these are the most annoying things you can say to a writer, what are you supposed to say? Pretty much anything but these things. If you want to talk about it, ask the writer what they're working on, ask them what they like to write, or ask them if they've published anything you might have seen. If you find out they're a writer and you either think it's stupid or you honestly just don't give a shit, start talking about the weather. Trust me, "boy, it sure is hot today!" is preferable to anything I've listed here.

"When do you think we'll get some rain?"
"Also, do you really think it's financially responsible to pursue a career in a dying medium?"

Staying Motivated vs. Settling

Finding time to write can be a real bitch sometimes. I work full-time (and we're getting into the busy season at my job), I have a husband whom I like to spend time with, friends whom I'd like to see, family who would like me to check in so they know I'm not dead, and dogs that require playtime and cuddles.

"Please love me."

Somewhere in everything I have to do, I also have to try and find time to write. It's not easy--there are only so many hours in the day and my body eventually demands food and sleep (ugh, needy body). I've dozed off at my computer more times than I can count because I try and push myself to write for just a little longer and then I wake up to find I have typed seventeen pages of "ggggggggggggggggg."

Sometimes I think it'd be much easier if I gave up writing and pursued something else, something with a much easier path. Because writing is hard. You sit down, pour your heart and soul into your work, and then hope someone likes it enough to publish it. Then, if it gets published, you have to hope that enough people like the work you've bled onto the page to buy it so that you can MAYBE make some money off of it. Because as long as you're not making money (or at least not making much), you probably need to supplement with some other income which pulls your time and energy away from writing which can leave you feeling burnt out and exhausted with limited motivation to write.

This is me about 90% of the time.

While I'm obviously talking about writing because that's what I want to do with my life, I feel like this is applicable to anyone with a passion project. Artists, photographers, filmmakers, people with dreams of owning their own businesses--I feel like so many of us are in the same boat. We know what we want to do but we get caught up in the minutiae of day-to-day obligations. And that's not to downplay our everyday obligations--I know I like having somewhere to live and food in our fridge (even if I forget to eat it).

Oh, right . . . food.

So what do we do? I'm certainly not at all suggesting that we give up on what we love just because it's hard. But we need to find ways to keep ourselves motivated and we need to realize that if we want this, then it needs to be a priority. My writing mentor once told me that he writes at least one sentence of fiction every day. Oftentimes he writes more but he pushes himself to write at least one sentence because it helps him keep himself motivated and it keeps him going. I think this is a brilliant plan because they day you stop working towards what you want is the day you give up and end up feeling stuck. And that's no way to live because before you'll know it, years will have gone by and you'll be telling people, "Oh, I wanted to do that once but it was too hard so I settled for less than I'm worth."

If you want something for yourself, it's worth fighting for. Is it hard? Of course. Are you guaranteed success? Of course not. But at least you're putting yourself out there which is more than a lot of people can say.