A Control Freak Lets Go of the Reins

It's that time of year again when the holidays have ended and many of us look to the new year as a logical starting point to institute positive changes in our lives. Each January, many of us try to take control of our lives and our choices through resolutions (or ridiculously failed smoothie cleanses . . .)

I made it 11 hours into a 3 day cleanse.
Willpower is not one of my strong suits.

This year, however, my resolutions look a little different. I have always been a Type A personality kind of gal (which is a polite way of saying I'm a control freak). I like lists and plans and schedules and organization because it makes me feel like I'm in control of my life and my surroundings.

This store's catalogue is like porn for me.

Lately, however, I've had to face the fact that I cannot control everything. My husband and I are expecting our first child, a son, in early February and while babies are world shakers all on their own, our son was diagnosed with an extremely rare and randomly occurring heart defect called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS). For you non-medical types (like me), that's basically a fancy title that means that the left side of his heart isn't developing the way it's supposed to and with our case, he's more than likely going to need a heart transplant.

No one knows what causes HLHS and the doctors have repeatedly stressed to me that there was nothing I did that caused our son to have this heart condition; it's completely out of anyone's control. It just happened.

As could be expected, something of this magnitude being out of my control does not sit well with me. Everything that I had planned for and expected to happen about having a baby has gone completely about the window. I had expected this . . .

. . . instead of what has happened so far. In order to be closer to a better hospital, surgeons, and resources to help our son, my husband and I uprooted our lives and moved on very short notice. We're working with an amazing team to try and create a treatment plan for our son but there's so much variation within HLHS that it's hard to plan for much which means that we just have to wait and see.

As you may have figured out, I am not a "wait and see" kind of person.

I have come to the conclusion that this year's resolutions for me need to be about giving up control rather than trying to take control. There's only so much that I can do and what's going to be best for my mental well-being is to let go of my need to be in control.

I think this might be a good attitude to have in general, not just for my particular situation with our son. There's only so much that we as people can control about our circumstances and sometimes, it might be the healthier option to just let it all go.

This might not be a popular line of thinking, especially in a day and age when we as people are constantly told to "grab control of our destinies" and "take charge of our lives" and "seize the day."

Sometimes Christian Bale insists we do this through song and dance.

And I'm not saying we shouldn't still try and set goals for ourselves and work hard to achieve them because we should. But there are times when I think we need to realize the importance of letting go and realizing we're not as in charge of everything as we'd like to be. It's kind of a freeing feeling, to admit that I don't know what's going to happen and what's more, I can't plan for it.

But if we're being honest, there's a good chance I'm going to channel all of my need to control into reorganizing my pantry again and again and again.

Stop Asking About My Hoo-Ha

My husband and I are expecting our first child in February and I've been asked a lot of invasive questions lately. From what I understand, this is pretty much par for the course for expectant moms but I'm wondering if it has anything to do with how social media is affecting us as a society. We post our lives online and I think that gives others confidence to ask us intimate details about our lives and choices, regardless of how much or how little we actually share.

Or maybe when people see a pregnant belly, they figure that because the woman is growing a new person inside of her, every intimate detail about her is now fair game.


7 Questions Strangers Need to Stop Asking Pregnant Women

1. Was your pregnancy planned?

Whether this pregnancy was planned or a surprise, this is literally no one's business but the parents' and frankly, it's irrelevant. She's obviously planning to have the baby regardless of how surprised she might have been at learning of baby's imminent arrival.

"But we need to know if the baby is a result of a broken condom!"

2. How long are you going to keep working?

This question might not seem like a big deal since obviously the mother is going to need to take some time off to, you know, give birth to a new person. This question is also of importance to people like the mother's partner, employer, etc. Family and close friends are also fine to ask this question because it's something I'd most likely discuss with them anyway.

However.

When it comes down to it, I really don't think it's a stranger's business how long I'm going to keep working. I think this question also bothers me because inevitably, the same strangers who feel entitled to ask me this question also feel empowered enough to argue one way or the other. Some people feel very strongly that I should quit working and stay at home full-time with my son and others think I should head back into work within hours of getting discharged from the hospital. I understand that people have very strong opinions about this but accosting a pregnant stranger in an attempt to start a fight over your beliefs is not okay. So stop it.

"LIVE YOUR LIFE ACCORDING TO MY BELIEFS, PREGNANT STRANGER!"

3. Are you going to have an epidural?

This is another question that is inevitably a catalyst for a debate about medicated vs. unmedicated births. If I want to use enough drugs to knock out Keith Richards, I think that's my choice. If I want to explore alternate pain management methods like hypnobirthing or accupressure, that is also my choice. But either way, I don't see how it's any of your business, stranger at the grocery store.

"Paper or plastic? Also, epidurals are for weak women brainwashed by the greedy healthcare industry."

4. Have you thought about if you'll have an episiotomy or not?

Please don't ask me about my hoo-ha. If you feel entitled to this information, maybe you'd also like to join me for my next pap smear?

"Ready!"

5. You're having a boy? Are you going to circumcise him?

To put it bluntly, my son's penis is none of your business. Like the working mother debate and the medicated birth debate, this is a very divisive issue and people have very strong opinions about it. I'm all for a lively discussion but I have no interest in having it with someone I just met in line at the bank.

6. How soon do you think you're going to get back to your pre-baby size?

No idea, asshole. I have a feeling my priorities are going to shift a little bit and I'll be more concerned with not breaking the tiny human for whom I am now responsible than if I can fit into a size 2.

My post-baby body expectations.

7. Do you want to hear my terrifying and horrible birth story?

No, but I don't want to be rude and come right out and say it. Pregnant women get freaked out enough at the thought of the birth process--hearing about how your birth was a cross between Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Exorcist isn't going to help.

"You would not BELIEVE who my OB was!"

While we're at it, can we just agree that strangers should stop touching pregnant women's bellies? 

I think the general rule should be that if you wouldn't normally touch my stomach, don't assume that you suddenly can now. If we just met and you don't even know my name, you don't need to be invading my personal space.

Edit: Apparently Pennsylvania just made touching a pregnant woman's belly without permission illegal. I now want to move to Pennsylvania. Immediately.


With all this being said, I don't want to be completely negative here, so here's a list of 3 Things that are Definitely Okay to Ask a Pregnant Woman:

1. When are you due?

Just make sure you don't follow up with a statement like, "You look like you're about to pop!" Especially if she still has a few months to go.

2. Do you know if you're having a boy or a girl?

Some women want to wait until the birth to be surprised but even so, this is generally safe territory.

3. Have you thought about a name yet?

This one is usually fine but can be tricky because some people get weirdly possessive and secretive over their favorite baby names for fear that someone will steal them.

"My precious!"

Also, even if you think someone's chosen baby name is stupid, keep your mouth shut. Laugh about it in the car on the way home if you want to but ultimately, it's the parents' choice what to name their kid. Even if you think it's ridiculous, it's not your baby.

When in doubt, tell the pregnant woman she looks beautiful.

No matter how confident in her body she feels, nearly all pregnant women will have a day where they feel like a whale and that they look like shit. It's shallow, but hearing that you look nice when you're pregnant can do a world of good to boost some self-conscious spirits.

"None of my clothes fit anymore."

4 Questions I Can No Longer Answer Politely

"There's no such thing as a stupid question," is a fucking lie. There are all kinds of stupid questions and after working in the service industry, there are several questions that I fear I am now incapable of answering without calling the asker an idiot.

1. How do I get upstairs?

This might seem innocuous but I periodically get this question at the hotel where I work. Someone will walk in the front door, stop and gaze at the stairs, then turn to me and ask, "How do I get upstairs?"

"The stairs are for display purposes only. You're going to want to head into the back room to our teleportation pad. The wizard who operates it will explain everything."

I should warn you, he does require a blood sacrifice.

2. Why don't you carry my favorite brand of obscure vodka/whiskey/tequila/fire water?

People seem personally offended when we didn't anticipate their arrival and stock up on their favorite brand of liquor that literally no one else has ever ordered from us. Restaurants and bars stock what sells--if your favorite whatever turns out to be in high demand, we'll consider stocking it. But berating your waiter or bartender is not going to make it magically appear. We really don't have it in stock, we're not just hoarding it all for ourselves.

Or are we?

3. Why aren't there any open tables for me in this crowded bar?

Because we're fucking busy. If you had to wait in line behind four other customers just to ask me why there aren't any open tables, that should be your first clue. I'm sorry you don't have anywhere to sit but I'm not going to kick out other customers so you can have your own table, princess.

"Sorry, ma'am, the other lady with the chocolate martini really wanted to sit down."

4. Are you sure you don't have any open hotel rooms for this weekend?

I work in a historic hotel with only eleven hotel rooms and we generally book up quickly. If I say we're booked up for the weekend, I'm not trying to screw you over just so you don't have a hotel room.

"Actually, we do have MANY hotel rooms available but NONE FOR YOU! MUAHAHAHA!"

I think it might be time for me to take a break from the service industry.

5 Tips for Behaving in Public: Restaurants (Part 1)

I've written a few posts complaining about people's behavior in public and it occurred to me that maybe people have forgotten how to behave in public or maybe they never learned in the first place. Either way, I think some people need a refresher course.

5 Tips for Behaving in Public: Restaurants

1. Don't insult your server.

Working as a server, I've seen this more times than I care to count. Mocking your server's appearance or choices is just a dick move, especially because the server you're picking on is more than likely a stranger.

Example: I have a small tattoo of an elephant on the back of my wrist. I acknowledge that not everyone likes tattoos and that by getting a tattoo in a visible location, I open myself up to criticism and judgement. However, I don't think that justifies someone being rude when all I want to do is take a drink order.

Customer: *pointing to my tattoo* Is that a stamp?
Me: No, it's a tattoo.
Customer: Wow, do you even remember getting that?
Me: Yes.
Customer: So it wasn't a drunken mistake? Wow. Do you regret it?
Me: No.
Customer: *rolls eyes*
Me: So . . . did you want something to drink other than water?

Bold move, dude. Especially since he hadn't yet ordered his food. I've never messed with someone's food, nor would I ever, but just because I won't doesn't mean someone else wouldn't. Come on, we've all seen Waiting... and the scene where the kitchen takes revenge on an obnoxious customer.

Go ahead. Eat it.

I've also had customers mock me for getting my Masters in English (apparently it's a useless degree) and I've overheard other customers call one of my fellow servers "ugly" (this particular server, by the way, is actually a very pretty girl). Just because someone is working in a restaurant does not make them fair game to berate and insult just because you feel like being a dick.

2. If you self-seat at a dirty table, don't get mad about it.

Sometimes restaurants get busy and when a table finishes their meal and leaves, a server isn't able to clear it immediately because they are busy tending to their six other tables. I've seen customers come into a restaurant and, after reading and ignoring the "Please Wait to be Seated" sign, circle a table like a shark until the previous customers leave and then immediately sitting down (sometimes before the previous customers have fully stood up). The new customers then look around, immediately irate that their table is still dirty.

"Um, why wasn't this table cleared in the .05 seconds between the last table and me?"

Don't be this guy. First of all, don't self-seat when the restaurant is busy and signs are clearly posted asking you to wait to be seated. Secondly, if the table you'd like still has dishes on it, politely ask a server if that table is available and I promise they'll hurry and clear it off for you. But don't get angry about it, especially if the server is busy. Servers are human and there is only so fast they can move. Ideally, every server would be issued a pair of winged shoes with their apron but those are usually on a really long backorder.

It's the same story with the hats.

3. Don't argue with your server about the listed price of menu items.

Servers are not responsible for setting the menu prices and arguing with us isn't going to affect the total cost of your bill. If you think the prices are too high, fill out a comment card or mention your views to the manager. Or eat somewhere else. But complaining to your server and demanding "what are you going to do about this?!" isn't going to get you anywhere.

"Sir, I just want to make it through a shift without wanting to cause bodily harm to myself or others.
It's not my fault you think $9.99 for a burger and fries is highway robbery."

4. Don't physically assault your server with your check.

I understand that sometimes you need to pay your check in a hurry and get on with your day of work or vacation or silly bicycle riding or whatever it is you do.

Do what you gotta do.

But just so we're clear, improper ways to give your check and method of payment to your server include (but are not limited to):

* Shouting, "WOOHOO! WOOHOO! WOOHOO!" and waving the check presenter in your server's face while they carry a large tray of food for another table.
*Hitting your server repeatedly in the arm with the check presenter while they take another table's order.
*Taking it upon yourself to wander into the kitchen and attempt to hand your check to one of the line cooks.

"Um . . . what?"

If you're in a hurry, try and flag down one of the servers or if you really have to run, take your check up front and someone will be able to assist you.

In summary, the basic rule of thumb is polite asking = good and physical assault = bad.

5. Tip your server.

I feel like everyone complains about this on the internet but it's still a pretty big problem. Servers are paid less than minimum wage because the assumption is that they will be tipped to help compensate their wages. If they aren't tipped, servers don't make enough to do things like pay rent and buy groceries. As a general rule, tip your server 20% of your total bill. You might think they are merely carrying food between you and the kitchen but they are also:

*Trying to provide you with friendly service
*Taking your order (which sometimes includes several modifications for your "special" diet)
*Managing your order with the kitchen (which is backed up with every other table's order as well)
*Checking on your table and keeping an eye on your drinks
*Bringing your food out to your table in a timely fashion
*Ensuring you're enjoying your food and at times running back and forth to fetch more ketchup/mayo/napkins/etc.
*Clearing your plates as you finish
*Ensuring your bill is correct

We've all seen the pictures circulating on the internet of receipts with notes written on them like "sorry, single mom."

This makes me want to set things on fire.

If you can't afford to tip, don't go out to eat. If you think the server wasn't perky enough, consider for a moment how perky you are at your job. Does your pay get deducted because you're having a bad day after a tow truck does a hit and run on your car? Or what about if your dog died? Or maybe someone broke into your home--should your pay lessen or do you feel entitled to having an off day because sometimes circumstances are just shitty? People who work in customer service are supposed to be cheerful all the time but for crying out loud, they're still people who have to deal with crappy life realities.

Basically, unless your server does something really heinous like telling you to go fuck yourself after calling you a fat, retarded cow, tip them 20%. By going out to a restaurant, you're paying for the luxury of not having to cook and care for yourself for the course of the meal. You're paying for someone to prepare food for you but you should include a tip to pay for the service of having a server attend to your needs during the course of the meal.

Pretty much this, but usually with more crying (me, not the customers).
From The Oatmeal

Personally, I think restaurants should include gratuity with each check but most places won't do that unless you are a part of a larger party. But make sure you monetarily take care of your servers--they are usually working this job because they need to, not because they enjoy being abused by strangers for less than $5/hour.

3 Ways Social Media Makes Us Terrible People

A little while ago, there was a video circulating the internet called "I Forgot My Phone." If you haven't seen it, you can watch it here. If you don't feel like watching it, it's basically a commentary on how social media isolates us and while our lives are more accessible, social media actually disconnects us. We're so focused on documenting our lives that we're not actually taking the time to enjoy our experiences.

"I know it's getting cold but I haven't picked the right filter yet!"

I know I've been guilty of the same thing so I'm not pointing fingers, or at least I'm trying not to. What I've been noticing as a result, however, is that as we as a society are forgetting how to interact with each other in person. Behind our computer screens, we'll post everything from the intimate details of our sex lives to pictures of poop. It used to be that people felt braver to behave badly behind their computer screens (see: any Youtube comments) but it's starting to bleed over into our real life interactions. Websites like Twitter have led us to believe that every little thing happening in our lives is important and worth sharing with the public.

Someone on my Facebook newsfeed recently posted an update stating the time.
This really happened.
I wish I were making it up.

This sense of importance has translated into people thinking that they are the center of attention not only on their Facebook profiles but everywhere they go. Perhaps my views are just tainted by the fact that I work in the service industry but social media seems to be turning us into shitty people.

1. We are too impatient.

No one likes to wait. However, this sense of entitlement from social media appears to have not only made people dislike waiting even more but incapable of waiting. Come on, think about the last time you had to deal with slow internet or a phone that took too long to load an app.

Tonight was a perfect example. My husband and I went to the store and while we picked up a few groceries, we put in an order at the deli counter for a couple sandwiches. While they were making the sandwiches, we cruised around the store and picked out our groceries the way we've done a dozen times before. We came back and my husband saw a couple people fill out some slips for sandwiches and maybe thirty seconds later, sandwiches were finished and the people grabbed them and went off about their shopping. We thought it was odd that ours weren't up yet so we waited. And waited. And waited. I was about to ask the lady behind the deli counter about our sandwiches when the couple came back up to the counter and declared, "Um, these aren't our sandwiches!" The woman behind the counter gave them a look like they were slightly stupid and held up the sandwiches she had just finished making. The couple took their sandwiches and returned the others which, it turned out, were our sandwiches.

Normally this wouldn't be too big of a deal to me because hey, accidents happen. But the sandwiches are labeled with the customers' names as per the order slips that they themselves filled out. "Sue" looks a little different from "Emily." But this is kind of my point--these people filled out slips for sandwiches and then assumed that the sandwiches that came up less than a minute later had to be theirs because clearly they were the only people in the crowded deli. People have become unable to consider that someone else might receive service before them because Instagram never says, "Hang on, fourteen other people are posting pictures of that same sunset. We'll get to yours in a minute," when they hit the submit button. 

Which leads to . . .

2. We can't fathom that everything we want isn't available at the moment we want it.

People are not Google.

I once had a girl come into the bar and order a certain type of vodka. When I told her we didn't carry that particular brand, she threw a tantrum. An adult, at least of legal drinking age, threw a full blown tantrum that the bar she was at didn't have her preferred drink. I suggested alternate brands that we did have in stock and she begrudgingly picked one. After I made the drink for her I set it on the bar and told her how much she owed. The girl ignored me while texting something in her phone, no doubt updating her Facebook about what a stupid bar this was. I waited a moment and watched her proceed to use her purse to push over a stack of plastic water glasses that were set up at the water station beside her. She glanced down at the cups and then back up at me, holding out her card for me to run. "Oops," she said, glaring at me with one eyebrow raised. 

All because I told her we didn't carry her favorite kind of vodka.

Or any drink.

We're becoming ruder as a people because we feel this sense of entitlement that not only are we the center of the universe but everyone around us should be catering to our every need the way our computer does. Facebook wants to know what's on our minds or how we're feeling and we get so used to that mentality that it seems inconceivable that everyone else doesn't care about us like social media does. We spend all this time staring at our belly buttons that we fail to notice that other people exist around us.

Which leads to . . .

3. We don't have any perspective.

It's easy to become consumed by Facebook drama. He said this, she didn't like my post, they didn't reply to my message, blah blah blah. This is why websites like White Whine exist. In other parts of the world, it's a big deal if you didn't get eaten by a lion today.

Or chased by a hippo. Those things are fucking terrifying.

In the grand scheme of our lives, none of the petty bullshit is going to matter, not even if some oblivious lady steals your sandwich at the deli counter.

So what am I saying? Is social media evil and we should all burn our computers? Absolutely not (and besides, computers are expensive and there's only so much a warranty will cover). In fact, I think social media has its merits. I think it's fantastic that I'm able to stay in touch with so many friends and members of my family and a lot of positivity spread through social medias.

That's . . . not quite what I meant.

What I'm saying that we need to be aware of how much we control we give social medias. We should use them without letting them consume us. There's nothing wrong with staying in touch or using the internet for fun but we need to remember how to unplug. We need to go outside or have a conversation or eat a meal without feeling the need to document every little moment. Instead of viewing our experiences through a camera lens, we need to view them with our eyes and learn how to be present and actually make memories instead of pictures.

Social medias won't wither away and die if we limit our exposure. If we leave our phones at home every once in a while, it's okay. They'll be there when we get back. And by then, maybe we'll have friends who have decided to help us unlock the next soul-sucking episode of Candy Crush Saga.

Think about it.

The 5 Worst Movie Theater Patrons

On the occasion that I venture out in public, I enjoy going to the movies.

Let me rephrase that: I usually enjoy going to the movies. Most of the time, I and all the other movie patrons are there to enjoy a film of our choosing. We select our seats, we munch on tasty popcorn with cancer-causing fake butter, and we watch the movie. We might laugh at the appropriate moment, shed a tear during an emotional scene, or gasp during a shocking or frightening moment. Generally, we behave like civilized adults co-existing in a public space.

And then there are the other people.

If you've ever gone to a movie theater, you know who these people are. They are the inconsiderate jackasses whose sole mission in life appears to be ruining other people's enjoyment while being simultaneously oblivious that they are, in fact, not in their own living room. There are many incidents of people ruining the moving going experience but I have condensed them into six of the most obnoxious types of movie theater patrons.

1. The Afraid to Be Alone Guy

I like to go to the movies during the day, usually at one of the first showings because the older I get, the less I like people and there seem to be fewer of them at the early showings. On more than one occasion, I've been the first to arrive at a movie and I have the whole theater to myself. Although I only require one seat (two if I'm with my husband), the sight of an empty theater makes me want to prance up and down the rows simply because I can.

Pretty much exactly like this.

Then, just before the feature presentation starts, a lone patron will walk into the theater. Obviously there's more than enough room for both of us, right?

No.

This guy insists on sitting either directly next to me or behind me. It's like he couldn't find a friend with whom to go to the movies and has an intense desire to make a new one. Either that, or he doesn't understand personal boundaries.

2. 20 Questions

Anyone who insists on talking during a movie is obnoxious (and I'll get to them in a minute) but a special breed of annoying comes in the form of that person in the theater who insists on asking 800 questions about everything happening on screen.

"Who is that guy?"
"Why is he doing that?"
"What did he say?"
"Where are they going?"

These people make me irrationally angry.

I'm not upset because they find something confusing. I'm upset because if they would shut their freaking mouths, their questions would, in nearly all cases, be answered by simply watching the movie. Which, I understand, might be a confusing concept for people who are at a theater. To watch a movie.

3. Constant Commentary

The larger, parent category for the 20 Questions guy is the person who insists on giving a play by play commentary on the entire movie. This type of jackass happened to my husband and me not too long ago when we went to go see This Is the End. We had the misfortune of sitting in front of a guy who, to put it simply, would not shut the fuck up.

It all started during the previews. After each preview, he loudly announced whether or not he wanted to see it to his girlfriend (who, as a side note, looked like she was sticky. I have no idea if she was, in fact, sticky, but she was the sort of person who just made you want to wash your hands). I figured that was annoying but maybe he'd stop when the movie started.

I was very, very wrong.

He continued to talk and give a play by play of the movie for the entire freaking time. The only relief we got from the commentary was when he got up to go to the bathroom every twenty minutes (kicking my seat as he went, by the way). One of his bathroom visits happened to coincide with when my husband went as well. Husband told me later that apparently the guy was a middle-aged dude who was coked out of his mind. He'd wanted to say something to him like, "Hey, maybe try shutting the hell up in the movie," but he thought the better of it for his safety (and really, good call, Husband). We probably should have just gotten the manager of the theater involved since we were so annoyed but when it comes down to it, I don't like to create problems for the staff. And with a tweaked out movie commentator, getting him kicked out might have actually caused more of a disturbance than his commentary was.

Plus I'm much braver behind my computer.

We managed to enjoy the rest of the movie despite the commentary. The ending of the movie was hilarious and we, along with everyone else, laughed at the hilarity on film. The kicker, of course, was that when the movie ended, the loud guy's sticky-looking girlfriend glared at us and said, "God, some people are so noisy and laugh too much in movies."

4. Date Night: Teen Edition

We've all seen these couples on Friday and Saturday nights at the movies. They're adorable. Awkward, bumbling, and nine times out of ten one of them will spill popcorn on the other. They're so sweet they'll give you diabetes if you watch them for too long.

This is basically them in gif form.

Then the movie starts and they are quickly divided into two categories. The first category includes the couples that sit there quietly and watch the movie while pretending to be unaware that they are holding hands. These couples are fine because they're too scared to say or do anything other than watch the movie.

Then there's the other category of teen couples. These are the ones who see the dimming of the theater lights as their cue to start a full fledged make out session. Complete with moaning.

If I can hear you over a Michael Bay movie then
(1) you're faking and (2) you need to take it out to the backseat of your date's mom's car.

Kids like that make me want to carry a spray bottle in my purse.

5. Babies at Midnight Showings

Let me be clear that I am not upset with the babies themselves. They are obviously not in control of the situation and if you're two months old and know nothing of the world, violent explosions in The Dark Knight are likely going to scare you and make you cry.

As awesome as he was, Heath Ledger may have made me pee my pants.
Just a little.

My issue is instead with the adults who bring these tiny people to midnight showings (the same applies to small children in inappropriate movies). Yes, I think that parents should be able to still go out and enjoy movies that don't involve cartoon characters. But I think those movies are better enjoyed with the children at home with a babysitter.

I know that parents can sometimes have a difficult time finding babysitters they trust, affording them, etc. I get that. But when I go to the midnight showing of a movie and see not one, not two, but THREE adults with a baby, I'm thinking that maybe one of them could have taken one for the team and stayed home instead of lugging around a poor infant who needs their rest to a very long, very loud movie.

Seriously, the Joker blows up a lot of shit.

So what to do about the annoying movie theater patrons? You could change seats, tell your friend to stop asking so many questions, get the manager to deal with a loud guest, tell the teens to keep it in their pants, and ignore the baby while silently hating all of the adults who are ignoring the crying baby.

Or you could always silently stew while eating your overpriced popcorn, try to watch the movie, and complain about it on the internet later. It's your call.

How About No?

I used to be terrible at saying "no." I'd like to say it's because I want to help everyone but I'm pretty sure that at my core, I was just a people pleaser who needed to learn to take care of myself first, regardless of what anyone else thinks of me.

Damn straight.

I was everyone's first call for pretty much everything: covering a shift at work, babysitting, moving, editing a paper, etc. That last one was what really got out of hand, especially in college. As an English major, everyone figured I knew how to string together a coherent sentence and they were usually right (depending on how much sleep I'd gotten the night before). A lot of friends asked me to edit their papers for them and at first, I didn't mind. Sure, I could look over a two page paper for a friend. Why not, right?

That quickly evolved into me being treated like my friends' free personal editing service. I had a few friends that stopped asking me if I'd even do it and started to just email me their paper with the deadline as the body of the message.

"And if you could spruce up my introduction while you're at it, that'd be great."

And it wasn't that I didn't like helping them out. After all, when I read some of their papers it caused me physical pain to not edit them and leaving them undone would have given me nightmares (I wish I were exaggerating but I'm not. Some of them had terrible grammar).

I'm pretty much like this all the time.

I eventually realized that I needed to learn the balance between saying yes and saying no. I wanted to help my friends but if I was putting aside my own papers and my own education for theirs, that wasn't really serving my best interests. I realize this might make me sound selfish but I reached a point where I couldn't say yes to every editing request I received. I feel like this is akin to being someone who is not functionally retarded when it comes to computers. As soon as one person finds out you know how to do more than turn it on, they ask you for IT advice. Sure, you're happy to help them out, but before you know it they're calling you every other day to ask questions like "what's an icon?" and "I clicked on a link that said 'boobs' and now my computer froze. What do I do?"

"Will my warranty cover this?"

So what is my point in all this--am I now a selfish prick that won't help out anyone because I'm busy looking out for numero uno? No (or at least I don't like to think so). I'm willing to help out a co-worker who needs their shift covered but not if it's my birthday.

"Guess I better get dressed for work."

Will I delete every editing request that comes my way? Of course not. I recently reviewed a friend's business proposal and I was happy to do it. But there's a difference between agreeing to edit her proposal and agreeing to edit someone's 600 page novel. I could probably do the novel but it would detract from me pursuing my own goals by taking up a lot of my time that I could be using towards promoting my book or working on new projects. As it is, I'm lucky if I update this blog once a month due to being so busy.

Netflix isn't going to watch itself.

I kind of feel like a jackass for essentially saying that I'm willing to help people out as long as there isn't something I'd rather be doing or as long as it doesn't take up too much of my time. But I figure that I need to take care of myself first because if I don't, I won't be able to help others out to the best of my abilities. I, like most people, am at my best when I have the time and am able to work without distractions instead of when I'm sleep deprived and miserable.

Coffee can only take me so far.

There's a lot of power in the word "no" and I've finally gotten to a point where I've embraced it. Perhaps I'm being selfish but I'm trying to take better care of myself so I can focus on what I want to achieve. Once I start saying yes to every request made of me it becomes a slippery slope but I have to ground myself and remember that I don't have to say yes to everything. People aren't going to hate me forever if I say no every once in a while.

Probably.