How About No?

I used to be terrible at saying "no." I'd like to say it's because I want to help everyone but I'm pretty sure that at my core, I was just a people pleaser who needed to learn to take care of myself first, regardless of what anyone else thinks of me.

Damn straight.

I was everyone's first call for pretty much everything: covering a shift at work, babysitting, moving, editing a paper, etc. That last one was what really got out of hand, especially in college. As an English major, everyone figured I knew how to string together a coherent sentence and they were usually right (depending on how much sleep I'd gotten the night before). A lot of friends asked me to edit their papers for them and at first, I didn't mind. Sure, I could look over a two page paper for a friend. Why not, right?

That quickly evolved into me being treated like my friends' free personal editing service. I had a few friends that stopped asking me if I'd even do it and started to just email me their paper with the deadline as the body of the message.

"And if you could spruce up my introduction while you're at it, that'd be great."

And it wasn't that I didn't like helping them out. After all, when I read some of their papers it caused me physical pain to not edit them and leaving them undone would have given me nightmares (I wish I were exaggerating but I'm not. Some of them had terrible grammar).

I'm pretty much like this all the time.

I eventually realized that I needed to learn the balance between saying yes and saying no. I wanted to help my friends but if I was putting aside my own papers and my own education for theirs, that wasn't really serving my best interests. I realize this might make me sound selfish but I reached a point where I couldn't say yes to every editing request I received. I feel like this is akin to being someone who is not functionally retarded when it comes to computers. As soon as one person finds out you know how to do more than turn it on, they ask you for IT advice. Sure, you're happy to help them out, but before you know it they're calling you every other day to ask questions like "what's an icon?" and "I clicked on a link that said 'boobs' and now my computer froze. What do I do?"

"Will my warranty cover this?"

So what is my point in all this--am I now a selfish prick that won't help out anyone because I'm busy looking out for numero uno? No (or at least I don't like to think so). I'm willing to help out a co-worker who needs their shift covered but not if it's my birthday.

"Guess I better get dressed for work."

Will I delete every editing request that comes my way? Of course not. I recently reviewed a friend's business proposal and I was happy to do it. But there's a difference between agreeing to edit her proposal and agreeing to edit someone's 600 page novel. I could probably do the novel but it would detract from me pursuing my own goals by taking up a lot of my time that I could be using towards promoting my book or working on new projects. As it is, I'm lucky if I update this blog once a month due to being so busy.

Netflix isn't going to watch itself.

I kind of feel like a jackass for essentially saying that I'm willing to help people out as long as there isn't something I'd rather be doing or as long as it doesn't take up too much of my time. But I figure that I need to take care of myself first because if I don't, I won't be able to help others out to the best of my abilities. I, like most people, am at my best when I have the time and am able to work without distractions instead of when I'm sleep deprived and miserable.

Coffee can only take me so far.

There's a lot of power in the word "no" and I've finally gotten to a point where I've embraced it. Perhaps I'm being selfish but I'm trying to take better care of myself so I can focus on what I want to achieve. Once I start saying yes to every request made of me it becomes a slippery slope but I have to ground myself and remember that I don't have to say yes to everything. People aren't going to hate me forever if I say no every once in a while.

Probably.